A website that sells cards that are openly sardonic... in the vein of "Life is full of tools..." "Thanks for not being one of them. Happy Birthday."
Banner: "because self-deprecation, sarcasm, and non sequitors are... whatever, you get the point"
"I know how you feel. I once went out with Chuck Norris' daughter..." "... and he round-house kicked my face. Get well soon."
(Picture of a hammer being crossed out.) "You're no tool. Happy Birthday."
"This card costs five bucks..." "Happy Birthday." (on the back it needs to say $5.00, even if it sells for a buck)
"I changed your will without you knowing..." "it would be a good idea to get well."
"Congrats on the new baby..." "You made me lose fifty bucks on the pool."
"Most birthday cards are a waste of money..." "this one is no different. happy birthday."
"I chose to give you this card that says [blockquote]"happy birthday"[/blockquote] instead of the money it cost to buy it..." "best decision i ever made."
"Do you know how much money I made last year?" "Not enough to buy you a present. Happy Birthday."
"I could have sworn I saw "card with nothing else" on your wish list..." "Merry Christmas."
"It's the thought that counts..." "I still haven't thought of anything."
"Flowers die. Toys break. Food spoils. I wanted to give you the one thing that lasts forever..." "nothing."
"Hey Mom! Happy Birthday! You raised us to save money..." "mission accomplished."
"Dear Dad, You are, quite literally, the HARDEST person in the world to think of a gift for. Seriously, only the smartest person on EARTH would be able to think of a gift for you. I am humble enough to admit that you did not raise the smartest person on earth..." "... so really, it's your own fault I didn't get you a gift."
"I asked everyone how much I should spend on your birthday present. They all said, 'It really doesn't matter.'"
"Good. Happy Birthday."
"The purpose of greeting cards is to make people spend hours and hours reading through dozens upon dozens of sayings trying to find the one, perfect card that says exactly what someone wants it to say. When, in reality, all cards are trying to say EXACTLY the same thing..." "this gift is from me."
"Your presents were probably made by child labor in a foreign country..." "Happy Birthday."
"Everyone eventually has to learn that having money isn't everything..." "for you, that time is now. happy birthday."
"I almost spent four dollars on a card for you. Then, I thought, 'This is so stupid. If it were MY birthday, I would want someone to give me a bad card for 99 cents and give ME the extra three bucks!'" "Imagine if all your friends were like me. Happy Birthday."
"Doctors say laughter is the best medicine..." "That's why I don't trust doctors. Get well soon."
"As my mom, you were truly integral in teaching me a lot of the things that I have learned. I thought I would take the liberty of writing some of those thing down..." (blank inside)
"Starbucks sucks." "Happy Birthday."
"The other day I euphorically introduced my child to Star Wars. When I asked my kid about the movie, I received the following respose: 'I thought the story was a little trite, and the premise on which it was based was ill-conceived.' In 8 seconds the innoscence and idealism I attributed to my youth was effectively evicerated..." "...welcome to parenthood."
"Video games are the ever-present reminder that computers are cheaters and should not be trusted."
"Video games have taught me the indelible truth that being first just means everyone else hates you and will band together to destroy you."
Banner: "because self-deprecation, sarcasm, and non sequitors are... whatever, you get the point"
"I know how you feel. I once went out with Chuck Norris' daughter..." "... and he round-house kicked my face. Get well soon."
(Picture of a hammer being crossed out.) "You're no tool. Happy Birthday."
"This card costs five bucks..." "Happy Birthday." (on the back it needs to say $5.00, even if it sells for a buck)
"I changed your will without you knowing..." "it would be a good idea to get well."
"Congrats on the new baby..." "You made me lose fifty bucks on the pool."
"Most birthday cards are a waste of money..." "this one is no different. happy birthday."
"I chose to give you this card that says [blockquote]"happy birthday"[/blockquote] instead of the money it cost to buy it..." "best decision i ever made."
"Do you know how much money I made last year?" "Not enough to buy you a present. Happy Birthday."
"I could have sworn I saw "card with nothing else" on your wish list..." "Merry Christmas."
"It's the thought that counts..." "I still haven't thought of anything."
"Flowers die. Toys break. Food spoils. I wanted to give you the one thing that lasts forever..." "nothing."
"Hey Mom! Happy Birthday! You raised us to save money..." "mission accomplished."
"Dear Dad, You are, quite literally, the HARDEST person in the world to think of a gift for. Seriously, only the smartest person on EARTH would be able to think of a gift for you. I am humble enough to admit that you did not raise the smartest person on earth..." "... so really, it's your own fault I didn't get you a gift."
"I asked everyone how much I should spend on your birthday present. They all said, 'It really doesn't matter.'"
"Good. Happy Birthday."
"The purpose of greeting cards is to make people spend hours and hours reading through dozens upon dozens of sayings trying to find the one, perfect card that says exactly what someone wants it to say. When, in reality, all cards are trying to say EXACTLY the same thing..." "this gift is from me."
"Your presents were probably made by child labor in a foreign country..." "Happy Birthday."
"Everyone eventually has to learn that having money isn't everything..." "for you, that time is now. happy birthday."
"I almost spent four dollars on a card for you. Then, I thought, 'This is so stupid. If it were MY birthday, I would want someone to give me a bad card for 99 cents and give ME the extra three bucks!'" "Imagine if all your friends were like me. Happy Birthday."
"Doctors say laughter is the best medicine..." "That's why I don't trust doctors. Get well soon."
"As my mom, you were truly integral in teaching me a lot of the things that I have learned. I thought I would take the liberty of writing some of those thing down..." (blank inside)
"Starbucks sucks." "Happy Birthday."
"The other day I euphorically introduced my child to Star Wars. When I asked my kid about the movie, I received the following respose: 'I thought the story was a little trite, and the premise on which it was based was ill-conceived.' In 8 seconds the innoscence and idealism I attributed to my youth was effectively evicerated..." "...welcome to parenthood."
"Video games are the ever-present reminder that computers are cheaters and should not be trusted."
"Video games have taught me the indelible truth that being first just means everyone else hates you and will band together to destroy you."
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